Wait for it

Disclaimer: I'm not an ordained minister, and I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm just a chick who's been trudging through life lately, and I've gotten some blisters along the way. And I've learned and experienced a lot of stuff that I'd like to share with you. Well, at least, that is my opinion. Are you hungry? Here's an oven-baked entree. Parts of it may be undercooked, and other parts might be overcooked. I hope I stirred it correctly before I baked it, and I hope it doesn't taste bitter. If it tastes nasty and you suspect that it might make you sick, of course feel free to spit it out. Thank you for dining.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

I've learned that rejoicing and weeping can be subjective. Maybe "rejoice" isn't always a literal jumping up and down and hollering with extreme cheerfulness; maybe "rejoice" can be a simple "way to go" or "congratulations" or showing up to someone's party. Maybe "weeping" isn't always a literal episode of tears squeezing out of your eyes while you grab a nearby friend and insist that they weep on your shoulder; maybe "weep" can be a simple "I'm sorry" or "bummer" or "that sucks" or a sympathetic pat on someone's shoulder.

But I also think there are appropriate and inappropriate responses to situations that require rejoicing or weeping. For example, I've had the idea that during Father's Day or Mother's Day, I should rally my Facebook friends and have an anti-Father's Day or an anti-Mother's Day to celebrate what abused children REALLY want to express on those days. But I decided against it because, well, Father's Day and Mother's Day are days in which fathers and mothers are celebrated. Pooping instead of rejoicing would be inappropriate, even if all the picturesque holiday scenery of parents and children enjoying one another can make you want to hurl something (literally and metaphorically). As another example, James 1 says to count it all joy when you have various trials. It would probably be extraordinarily inappropriate to walk up to somebody who's had a miscarriage and say something like "Whoo-hoo! Your baby's dead! God must really like you, 'cause He just gave you a megahuge trial and will give you megahuge patience!" Um, no. This would be a situation in which weeping, literally or metaphorically, would probably be the most appropriate response.

And maybe sometimes rejoicing and weeping are activities that can be very time-consuming. I think in some cultures, wedding parties (rejoicing) can last for a week. If somebody is genuinely grieving, they might still be hurting for months or years after the funeral (weeping).

In terms of weeping, I think the type of sympathy and/or comfort that can be offered to a person can also have levels of appropriateness. For example, if I were to tell you that I have a papercut, would you respond this way: "OH, MY GOSH, YOU POOR BABY! THAT'S TERRIBLE! LET ME PRAY FOR YOU!" I propose that that would be an inappropriate response. Why would you gush all your weep-tears onto a papercut? But if I were to tell you that I just got all 4 of my limbs amputated in a freak accident...

Wait for it...

"OH, MY GOSH, THAT'S TERRIBLE! I'M HURTING JUST LISTENING TO YOU TELL YOUR STORY! LET ME PRAY FOR YOU! MY SHOULDER IS YOURS FOR THE CRYING! DO YOU NEED A RIDE TO ANY OF YOUR DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS?"

There ya go. That's appropriate. Following up on a papercut accident weeks after the fact would be overkill, because papercuts heal quickly and are very surface-level. Amputations are severe and catastrophic, and their effects are lifelong.

How about this scenario? "Hey, I just sat in traffic for an hour, and--"

"OH, MY GOSH, YOU POOR BABY! THAT'S TERRIBLE! LET ME PRAY FOR YOU!"

Uh, no. Probably just a "that sucks" will do just fine. Wait for it...

"Hey, I just lost my best friend, my job, and my house."

"MY HEART IS RIPPING WIDE OPEN FOR YOU. WOULD YOU LIKE A KLEENEX? DO YOU NEED A PLACE TO STAY FOR THE WEEKEND?"

That's better.

How about this? "I just watched a movie in the theater by myself, and--"

"AWW, I'M SO SORRY! YOU COULDN'T FIND ANYONE TO GO WITH YOU?"

Uh, actually, I'm an introvert, and I went by myself on purpose, but thank you for accidentally making me feel bad about myself. May I please cash in on your kind words the next time I have a real crisis? Wait for it...

"I spent half the weekend crying on my couch in a fetal position because Sunday was my first Mother's Day without a mother."

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE, BUT I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU'RE HURTING. WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG?"

That's better.

Just being honest, while I've been walking through my excruciatingly (I use that word because it's the strongest one I can find) hard season, I've had to work through a lot of anger toward the church in general. At several points, I didn't feel like they were doing their job. If I say something like, "Hey, I have a prayer request; the other day I was tempted to abuse the prescription drugs that are just sitting there in my medicine cabinet, and the temptation freaked me out," maybe I would like to see you fight for me, at least in prayer, instead of doing nothing.

But I've learned that I can't force anyone to respond the way I want them to. Sometimes I have to accept whatever is offered to me. If I'm starving for a fresh loaf of bread, and you offer me a plate of croutons, sure I'll probably get very angry because I feel like you failed me. But if I'm genuinely starving, and I realize that the croutons are all that are available for me to eat, I'll grab a spoon, a napkin, and a glass of water, and scarf it down, because I'd rather have that than nothing.

And, of course, there's stuff I've needed that only God can give me. Wait for it...

Yes, I have face-to-face conversations with God (if Moses did, why can't I?), I see angels come and go in my apartment and my cubicle (they're God's servants, so they're available to me because I'm His little girl), and He tucks me in at night and serenades me with original music videos in my heart-head-eye (you'll learn how to hear His voice real quick when He's the only one around for you to talk to).

And I've also learned that if I'm expecting people to rejoice with me and/or weep with me for some really wacky things, I probably need a major adjustment. If I say something like "Yay, I don't want to cut myself anymore!" or "Yay, I resisted the temptation to go to a strip club this weekend!" or "Yay, I've chosen to not kill myself!" people will probably sit me down and have a serious heart-to-heart. "What the bleeping heck is wrong with you, Tirzah? Do you need medication or something?"

Maybe. But I hope you didn't laugh too hard during that last paragraph, because those are true battle-victories that I've won recently. It is kinda hard to classify them, though: Are they things to really rejoice over, or are they reasons to slap Tirzah upside the head?

"The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy." (Proverbs 14:10)

Usually when I'm at church and I see people on the worship team with a non-smile, or they seem really uncomfortable, I've gotten a wee bit ticked off because, I mean, they're living out their dream on a worship platform. Why shouldn't they have a genuine smile plastered on their face? But I'm learning that everyone's life is different. Everyone has a different load to carry. Maybe they're not smiling and uncomfortable because they don't know the songs, or their feet hurt, or they're having technical difficulties, or their ear gadgets are hurting them. I probably shouldn't compare my struggles or my desires to theirs.

I often wonder why the heck married people with children complain about being so busy all the time, because they have dozens of peers, tons of support, and, well, they're living out their dream while they're surrounded by people who love them. What are they whining about? But they truly might be about to crack, and cracking in their situation would be especially dangerous because of the innocent little lives their cracking could affect. I probably shouldn't compare my struggles or my desires to theirs.

I understand what it's like for someone to compare their struggle with mine. I'm not talking about relating or matching experiences or empathizing in a healthy way. I'm talking about minimalizing my struggle when I'm coming to somebody for support. "Yeah, I've been thinking about how my mo--" "What? Your mother didn't hurt you. MY mother hurt ME. Let me tell you about MY hellish life, bla, bla, bla..." Um, thank you for listening?

Like I've said before, rejoicing and weeping can be subjective. "I'm going through a hard time" can mean different things to different people. One person's "I'm going through a hard time" might mean that they have to work 48 hours this week instead of 40, that they only got to see their kid for 30 minutes each night instead of 4 hours, or that they have to wait 3 whole months to see their mother. Simultaneously, another person's "I'm going through a hard time" might mean that they absolutely hate their dream job, that they can't convince any of their friends to hang out with them, or that they will never see their family ever again. Which scenario seems more severe? Which one do you empathize with? Wait for it...

The latter scenario is probably more severe, but both are difficult and more than likely painful. Each scenario probably merits different levels of weeping and/or rejoicing. But to the person who's living through it, it's a season of excruciating pain. I can relate to the latter scenario and could probably offer some specific words of wisdom and tears to whoever's going through that. But it would be extremely inappropriate of me to tell whoever's experiencing the former scenario, "Get over it, you whiny baby. That ain't pain. Pull up a chair and listen to MY story." Um, thank you for trying to be Christlike, Tirzah? I could probably at least offer a "bummer" or "that sucks."

I hope I'm making sense. I'm learning that everyone has a different hoe to row, and maybe some people need more support than others, but everyone definitely needs rejoicing during their triumph and weeping during their sorrow.

So, the photo I displayed at the beginning of this post is a picture of my beloved cats. I consider them to be my furry family, especially since they are the only ones (besides God and any angels that happen to be hanging out with Him) who are waiting for me when I come home. To rejoice or to weep: That is the question.

Wait for it...

Sure, I'd rather have actual human beings waiting for me when I come home, but I really like my cats. Would you like to hear what I'm thankful for? That orange one on the left is almost 14 years old. I've owned him for about 12 of those years. When he was a kitten, he taught me things like Psalm 34:10 and about how awesome felines can be. That mixed-Siamese one on the right has been mine for about 13 years. She's used up probably most of her 9 lives, but she's a fighter and a quick healer. She's also not afraid of getting in your face and being her affectionate self. I guess you could say she has set an excellent example for me, even though she's feline and I'm human.

See? If you take the time to hear more of the story, your response of rejoicing and/or weeping will be more appropriate. Well, at least...

Wait for it...

That is my opinion.